Shameless Plug

I've had a few people comment about my use of the About.me site and how they think the site is a pretty cool tool for centralizing links to all the areas you are at on the internet.

I agree with them, I love it. Here is mine: http://about.me/jasonbrewer

I try to go out there and change the picture I display about once a month even though no one really goes there (173 total views since I had the page created when the service was in first beta a year ago or so). This time I selected the new integrated Instagram tile feature. I think it's a little busy but I think I have it set so the text is not lost in it pretty well.

Feel free to tell me what you think, don't be shy!

Also post your About.me page in my comments section if you have one. I'd love to see it!

The things that make you think deeply about yourself...

I was driving into work this morning and the following song came up on my iPod. With all that's happening in my life it's made me start to think about a few things all over again.

Texas Is The Reason - Something To Forget (Version II) Lyrics

I have to learn to never ever be late.
And how to almost always be on time.
I have to understand this time.
It's too bad that this side of you can't be seen by everyone.
So now you've got something to forget.
I have to learn how to remember to forget
and how to build this all again.
I have to build this all again.
This is only fun for me.

Natural Highs

1. Falling in love.
2. Laughing so hard your face hurts.
3. A hot shower.
4. No lines at the supermarket.
5. A special glance.
6. Getting mail.
7. Taking a drive on a pretty road.
8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio.
9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.
11. Chocolate milkshake (vanilla or strawberry ).
12. A bubble bath.
13. Giggling.
14. A good conversation.
15. The beach.
16. Finding a 20 dollar bill in your coat from last winter.
17. Laughing at yourself.
18. Looking into their eyes and knowing they Love you.
19. Midnight phone calls that last for hours.
20. Running through sprinklers.
21. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
22. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.
23. Laughing at an inside joke with FRIENDS
24. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.
25. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.
26. Your first kiss (the very first).
27. Making new friends or spending time with old ones.
28. Playing with a new puppy.
29. Having someone play with your hair.
30. Sweet dreams.
31. Hot chocolate.
32. Road trips with friends.
33. Swinging on swings.
34. Making eye contact with a cute stranger.
35. Making chocolate chip cookies.
36. Having your friends send you homemade cookies.
37. Holding hands with someone you care about.
38. Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change.
39. Watching the expression on someone's face as they open a much desired present from you.
40. Watching the sunrise.
41. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day.
42. Knowing that somebody misses you.
43. Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply.
44. Knowing you've done the right thing, no matter what other people think.
45. The smell of an approaching summer storm while sitting on your front porch.

Missing Old and Not So Old Friends

I was thinking over the weekend about some old friends and how we've lost touch with each other over the years. I realize that you can't always keep your friends close to you due to how life is at times but that never stops one from missing them and wondering what they are currently up to. However there is also the times for whatever reason you end up turning your back on friend you need the most when you are hurting inside. I have recently realized that I've done just that.

Today I was taking with someone I haven't spoken to in a few months and realized that I've turned my back on a lot of people that cared about me because of internal/social problems that I have. To those I want to say I'm sorry. I have no excuse outside of my sudden urge to lock myself away from everyone due the depression that I now know I had and currently getting help to battle with.

I realize that I can't fix the past but I can work to have a better future and that I hope that what ever damage I've done to our friendship can be repaired.

So to all the people that have wondered what has happened to me, I'm still here, I'm still alive and I'm looking to get on with my life and rebuild the friendships I've once had in hopes of being with you all once again. This will be a long hard road for me and I know I will falter from time to time, but I know that you all are there as you've said in the past for me and I just want to say thank you.

Wild thoughts

Ever have one of those crazy days where your brain just runs and runs with random thoughts.

Well that's a pretty normal thing for me. My brain runs at a 100 mph normally. However today things are going faster than normal. What's taking place and the thoughts I keep rehashing remind me of something I once wrote.

I don't know what it means for me to start thinking of all my old poems and such and having them relate to what is happening in my life now..maybe if a person reading this blog might have a little insight on it please feel free to share.

Thanks -- oh by the way here is the poem:


My Ghost

Flowing and blowing. My thoughts cramp and crack in concentration of things that seem to be out of reach. Thoughtless forms loom around me. Repeating in whispers my mistakes. With every mistake there is another waiting for me. They follow me like ghosts that have found their perfect haunt.

Loss of motivation...

I'm sitting here thinking to myself as I post a few old poems and a funny cat picture that I really need to find some form of motivation to get moving in my life.

I mean I use to be a very prolific writer. Now besides this blog and a personal journal (for therapy...had to see someone about my high anxiety/depression) I've not been able to write creatively. It honestly sucks to feel this way about not being able to write. Writing use to be one of my greatest releases for tension and stress. I use to write stuff out in stories or poems/lyrics and it would just melt away. Now it stays bottled up and I can't get it out.

I've tried a few things to date to help get the creative thoughts flowing and my pen moving again but nothing has worked so far. I've tried to blog (here and other places), write a journal or diary, therapy and even just plain old sit there and force some thing out (which I don't recommend at all).

I guess time will tell if I get my spark back. I justhope it's soon.