Friday, May 25, 2007

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Looking at one's self.

One of the hardest things I have done recently was to look at myself and try to figure out what I like and don't like about what I see in myself. I spent a good half a day sitting down and writing things out as they came to me. In the end I only had 3 things under the good column and 7 things under the bad column.

Being that I already know how much of a pessimist I can be this was not surprising to see. As I looked at my list I realized there has to be more good in me somewhere. I started to get frustrated that I couldn't think of anything more. So I decided to take a break and come back to it.

After a little while I started to talk to an old friend about how difficult it was to make this list. He offered to help me flush somethings out and I accepted. I told him all the good and bad points I had written down and he took a moment to think about it.

His intimidate response was that as usual, I was way to hard on myself. That wasn't new to me, but hearing it from him made it seem more real and so I decided to redo my list. As my friend spoke and told me what he saw as my good and points I wrote them down and took a moment to look at them. He was closer to the mark of what is good and bad in me that I could have gotten.

So here is the list that I know have, it's a lot better and well a great visual on what I know I need to work on to better myself.

The Bad:
  • To hard on myself
  • Impatient especially in relationships
  • Sensitive to the point of being detrimental in some cases
  • I can be swayed either by my own thoughts or by others on things I should consider non-negotiable
The Good:
  • I can think strait in a crisis
  • Sensitive to the point of others having trust in me and know that I tent not to abuse it.
  • I am very understanding and a great friend that people never have to worry or wonder if I'm going to guard the back.
  • I am loyal and have loyalty qualities others see easily
  • Smart, friendly, and even funny at times and tend to make a good friend
Thing that are both Good and Bad:
  • My sensitivity level and ability to look a little deeper into issues that others might stop at the surface. Both of these are a blessing and curse as I can at times get to involved and emotionally wrapped up in other people's issues when I should be more distant.
Out of all of this the first thing I am going to work on is to identify what my non-negotiable are to set up the boundaries I need when it comes to interpersonal relationships. This should also help to rid myself of a few negatives as well.