Friday, December 21, 2007
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Saturday, December 8, 2007
Friday, December 7, 2007
Thursday, November 29, 2007
A little late but gave me a good smile:
20 THINGS YOU CAN ONLY SAY AT THANKSGIVING!!
1. Talk about a huge breast!
2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
3. It's Cool Whip time!
4. If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!
5. That's one terrific spread!
6. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.
7. Are you ready for seconds yet?
8. It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?
9. Just wait your turn, you'll get some!
10. Don't play with your meat.
11. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.
12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?
13. I didn't expect everyone to come at once!
14. You still have a little bit on your chin.
15. How long will it take after you stick it in?
16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.
17. Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!
18. That's the biggest one I've ever seen!
19. Your pie is the best I ever tasted!
20. Look how they gobble it down!
1. Talk about a huge breast!
2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
3. It's Cool Whip time!
4. If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!
5. That's one terrific spread!
6. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.
7. Are you ready for seconds yet?
8. It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?
9. Just wait your turn, you'll get some!
10. Don't play with your meat.
11. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.
12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?
13. I didn't expect everyone to come at once!
14. You still have a little bit on your chin.
15. How long will it take after you stick it in?
16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.
17. Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!
18. That's the biggest one I've ever seen!
19. Your pie is the best I ever tasted!
20. Look how they gobble it down!
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Monday, November 12, 2007
Monday, October 29, 2007
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Friday, September 14, 2007
A Good Question
"If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?"
--Unknown
--Unknown
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
THE 6 BEST SMART ASS ANSWERS OF 2006
SMART ASS ANSWER #6
It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters Airline.
"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in
front. "What are my choices?" John asked.
"Yes or no," she replied.
SMART ASS ANSWER #5
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check
tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened
his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, "Sir, I
need to see your ticket not your stub."
SMART ASS ANSWER #4
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but
she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
SMART ASS ANSWER #3
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped f or speeding
rolled down his window.
"I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way
without a ticket.
SMART ASS ANSWER #2
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that
reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of
him and he gets stuck under the bridge.
Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop
gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his
hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering
this bridge and ran out of gas."
SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2006
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now
class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might
consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in
your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A
smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you
say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual
exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering.
When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student,
shakes her head and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with
your other hand."
It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters Airline.
"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in
front. "What are my choices?" John asked.
"Yes or no," she replied.
SMART ASS ANSWER #5
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check
tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened
his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, "Sir, I
need to see your ticket not your stub."
SMART ASS ANSWER #4
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but
she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
SMART ASS ANSWER #3
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped f or speeding
rolled down his window.
"I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way
without a ticket.
SMART ASS ANSWER #2
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that
reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of
him and he gets stuck under the bridge.
Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop
gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his
hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering
this bridge and ran out of gas."
SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2006
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now
class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might
consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in
your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A
smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you
say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual
exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering.
When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student,
shakes her head and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with
your other hand."
Thursday, September 6, 2007
cat haiku
You never feed me.
Perhaps I'll sleep on your face.
That will sure show you.
You must scratch me there!
Yes, above my tail!
Behold, elevator butt.
The rule for today:
Touch my tail, I shred your hand.
New rule tomorrow.
In deep sleep hear sound
cat vomit hairball somewhere
will find in morning.
Grace personified.
I leap into the window.
I meant to do that.
Blur of motion, then --
silence, me, a paper bag.
What is so funny?
The mighty hunter
Returns with gifts of plump birds --
your foot just squashed one.
You're always typing.
Well, let's see you ignore my
sitting on your hands.
My small cardboard box.
You cannot see me if I
can just hide my head.
Terrible battle.
I fought for hours. Come and see!
What's a 'term paper?'
Small brave carnivores
Kill pine cones and mosquitoes,
Fear vacuum cleaner
I want to be close
to you. Can I fit my head
inside your armpit?
Wanna go outside.
Oh, poop! Help! I got outside!
Let me back inside!
Oh no! Big One
has been trapped by newspaper!
Cat to the rescue!
Humans are so strange.
Mine lies still in bed, then screams;
My claws are not that sharp.
Perhaps I'll sleep on your face.
That will sure show you.
You must scratch me there!
Yes, above my tail!
Behold, elevator butt.
The rule for today:
Touch my tail, I shred your hand.
New rule tomorrow.
In deep sleep hear sound
cat vomit hairball somewhere
will find in morning.
Grace personified.
I leap into the window.
I meant to do that.
Blur of motion, then --
silence, me, a paper bag.
What is so funny?
The mighty hunter
Returns with gifts of plump birds --
your foot just squashed one.
You're always typing.
Well, let's see you ignore my
sitting on your hands.
My small cardboard box.
You cannot see me if I
can just hide my head.
Terrible battle.
I fought for hours. Come and see!
What's a 'term paper?'
Small brave carnivores
Kill pine cones and mosquitoes,
Fear vacuum cleaner
I want to be close
to you. Can I fit my head
inside your armpit?
Wanna go outside.
Oh, poop! Help! I got outside!
Let me back inside!
Oh no! Big One
has been trapped by newspaper!
Cat to the rescue!
Humans are so strange.
Mine lies still in bed, then screams;
My claws are not that sharp.
Friday, August 31, 2007
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
50 Mistakes Women Make When Having Sex.
From a Facebook group... I actually thought most of these were pretty damn funny. Enjoy!!
These were written mainly by a woman so don't start "man hating" now women!
1. Assuming he can get a raging hard on when it suits you. Contrary to popular belief, men can't just flip a switch and get it up because you decided to stop being a frigid bitch. Getting it hard is your job. I suggest you figure it out.
2. Thinking that kissing needs to be this sweet romantic thing all the time. Sometimes pressing your lips against your partners mouth while you get off is the hot. It depends on the situation.
3. Leaving him responsible for your orgasm. You know what gets you off. Tell him. If you don't, it's your own fault when he's snoozing and you're all wound up.
4. Expecting him to cuddle. Men and women are wired differently. Sex makes most women want to talk and bond and all that ****. It makes men pass out. It's a biological thing. Stop fighting it, and stop holding it over his head, it's not his fault.
5. Expecting him to fall asleep with you in his arms. That **** is uncomfortable after awhile. A little snuggling isn't unreasonable, but when it's time to actually sleep? An arm draped over you should suffice.
6. Expecting him to always lay on the charm and romance. Sometimes, that's nice. Sometimes. But expecting him to be all roses and candles all the time is like expecting you to act like a pornstar all the time. If you're not willing to do that, don't expect him to switch for you.
7. Being selfish in bed. Regardless of the **** that Cosmo forces down our throats, sex is NOT just about us. Get over it.
8. Using random magazines as a sex bible. I dont know who comes up with half that ****, but I'm pretty sure they need counseling.
9. Whining when he pushes your head down on his cock instead of stroking your hair. Know why he's pushing, skippy? Because you aren't doing it right, and have apparently ignored the other clues he's given you. Pay attention to the signals that he's sending you.
10. Not moving at all. Missionary is not an excuse to do nothing.
11. Expecting him to undress himself with any amount of grace. He's about to get some pussy. Be glad he bothered to take his pants all the way off. If it concerns you so much, undress him yourself.
12. Not shaving your legs. Im pretty bad at this myself. But if you want your guy stubble free, you better get out the razor.
13. Allowing your crotch to resemble the amazon. Yes, waxing hurts. Yes, some people don't want to go bare. Thats fine. If you like bush, great. If you have sensitive skin and can't shave, I feel for you. But for the love of Christ, trim that **** if you want him to spend any time down there.
14. Assuming that sex means a relationship. The only relationship you have is that he has now stuck his hoo hoo dilly in your cha cha. That's as far as it goes unless otherwise noted.
15. Withholding oral sex just because you're ragging. He didn't do it. Unless you want him to withhold oral sex because he's hormonal, I suggest you get some kneepads.
16. Expecting him to figure out what you like by what noise you make. Use your words. Have you ever actually heard what you sound like while you're having sex? If you heard yourself on tape, and someone asked you to explain what was causing you to make that noise, 67% of women would respond with answers like "I stubbed my toe" "I ran up the steps" or "I was putting up drywall".
17. Leaving condoms up to him. If you're sexually active and insist that he uses a condom, I suggest buying a box and keeping it by your bed. Not all men keep them on them, and it's just as much your responsibility as it is his. If you think that makes you a slut, you shouldn't be having sex anyway. Go back to Jr High.
18. Getting your undies in a bunch when he talks dirty. A little fantasy can be fun. If he treats you with respect all the time, you shouldn't be offended when he calls you his dirty little slut. When he calls you a whore and tells you to come, its his way of showing that he cares if you get off. Stop being a sissy.
19. Refusing to be spontaneous. I know this is shocking, but sometimes sex OUTSIDE of the bedroom is fun.
20. Dissing quickies because it's not some slow sensual ordeal. Sex is a dynamic thing. Theres an awesome raw energy when you only have 20 minutes but having to have someone so bad that you do it half clothed against the wall. Readjust your thinking.
21. Being too much of a pussy to tell him what is or isn't acceptable before you start bumping uglies. Be honest. If he asks if he can poke you in the butt, and you giggle and say no like it's an invitation, don't look surprised when he "accidentally" sticks his cock in your butt.
22. Expecting him to undress you. I put a bra on almost every day. I know for a fact that getting them off isn't always easy. Help a brother out.
23. Undressing in the dark. If youre shy, dim the lights, but give the man something to see. No ripping off the clothes and diving under the covers, either.
24. Refusing to get on top. Theres no reason men should have to do all the work.
25. Getting that bored look on your face. Men are more visual than women. Give him something to look at. Get on top and arch your back a little bit. Move. Do something to indicate that you 1) are not dead and 2) didn't suffer a minor stroke rendering you unable to move.
26. Expecting him to do all the touching when you're riding him. It's your body, you're used to it. Play with your tits, rub your clit, do something to make his job easier.
27. Being too afraid to guide your partner's hand when hes touching you. Don't like the way he's doing it? Gently take his hand and show him how you like it.
28. Getting into bed, getting naked, fooling around and then deciding that you just want to cuddle, then getting offended when he doesn't. Its your choice to stop, but don't look all ****ing surprised when he's confused. You got him naked in your bed, what else did you think was going to happen?
29. Refusing to let him take control. So your a feminist. Big ****ing deal. Letting him call the shots doesn't make you any less of one.
30. Refusing to take control. Its ok to crawl across a bed to him on all fours, push him down and crawl on top. It's not his responsibility to start things all the time.
31. Forgetting that he has a body that likes to be touched, too. Men have things like backs and shoulders and stomachs and other parts that are fun to kiss and touch. You miss a lot of good places by concentrating solely on his penis.
32. Ignoring his balls. Seriously, they are there. Kiss them, lick them, suck on them, make a relationship with them, just don't ignore them.
33. Leaving him to his own devices. Nothing is worse than a girl who gets you most of the way off and then bolts because she doesn't want to deal with the mess.
34. Launching into some speech about not being an object for sex when he tries to titty **** you. Jesus Christ, just push them together and enjoy yourself. You get a great view.
35. Expecting him to handle you like a porcelain doll. I'd hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you're not going to break, sister. So doing it against the wall gives you a bruise on your shoulder. Look at it later and giggle at the memory.
36. Refusing to try things in the name of "making love". You're not making anything. You are naked. With another person. Making strange faces and weird noises. Stop romanticizing it.
37. Taking things way too seriously. Sex is funny. Actually it's hilarious. Somewhere along the line, someone is going to fall off of a bed, hit their head on a lighting fixture, accidentally kick a midget or trip over a goat. It's how you deal with it that really matters.
38. Throwing a bitch fit when he asks for a 3 some. Its the American dream. (I know my ex is reading this right now, so a quick interjection. One request for a 3 some is ok. Every 5 minutes, not so much. Know the difference).
39. Continuing a blow job knowing that you have god awful cotton mouth. Really. Grab a bottle of water.
40. Nails. Its one thing tracing them up and down your partners back. Its another when you snag the goods with a claw.
41. Bitching when you get jizz on you. You're having sex. That will happen. Thats the entire point of sex. Establish where he can and cant jizz and be done with it. Remember, it tightens the pores.
42. Not making any noises at all. Moan. Scream his name. Something so he knows he's the best you've had, even if he isn't.
43. Faking orgasms. Just. Don't. By faking (IF he believes you) he thinks he's doing everything right. And if he doesn't know its not working, he's not going to change it. Starting a vicious cycle of unfulfilling sex which will eventually be very damaging to his ego.
44. Not washing before sex. I know that sex is spontaneous, this is more of a general statement. If you haven't showered that day, and things smell a little...fishy...perhaps demanding oral sex is a little ridiculous of you.
45. Anything that involves inserting anything into his body that he has not specifically approved before hand. I don't care what Cosmo says, some things are simply not pleasant surprises.
46. Refusing to use oils/whipped cream/other messy but fun things because you have 541510630 count Egyptian cotton sheets that were made by hand by the only person alive capable of sewing that pattern. They'll wash.
47. Doing all of your before bed things before sex. Yes, sleeping with makeup on is bad. Now is not the time to remove it, you can do that later. And really ****ing you with your hair in a ratty scrunchie with acne cream on your nose is not all its cracked up to be.
48. Cleaning up after sex. Wiping the splooge off is one thing. But changing the sheets immediately so you can get the other ones in the washer and then sanitizing everything your naked body might have possibly passed by is not the way to do it.
49. Making a big deal out of it if he loses his hard on. This is not an interrogation, or 20 questions. It happens, he's probably mortified and you are NOT helping. Refrain from using phrases like "it happens to every guy". Just move to other activities until it gets hard again, and if it doesn't, get off another way with him. He's still capable of getting you off. Mumbling "Forget it" and rolling over are not ok.
50. Asking questions right afterwards. The woman equivalent of "was it good for you?". Now is not a good time to ask "What this means". Right now, it means he probably needs to take a drink, a leak and a nap, perhaps not in that order.
That is all.
These were written mainly by a woman so don't start "man hating" now women!
1. Assuming he can get a raging hard on when it suits you. Contrary to popular belief, men can't just flip a switch and get it up because you decided to stop being a frigid bitch. Getting it hard is your job. I suggest you figure it out.
2. Thinking that kissing needs to be this sweet romantic thing all the time. Sometimes pressing your lips against your partners mouth while you get off is the hot. It depends on the situation.
3. Leaving him responsible for your orgasm. You know what gets you off. Tell him. If you don't, it's your own fault when he's snoozing and you're all wound up.
4. Expecting him to cuddle. Men and women are wired differently. Sex makes most women want to talk and bond and all that ****. It makes men pass out. It's a biological thing. Stop fighting it, and stop holding it over his head, it's not his fault.
5. Expecting him to fall asleep with you in his arms. That **** is uncomfortable after awhile. A little snuggling isn't unreasonable, but when it's time to actually sleep? An arm draped over you should suffice.
6. Expecting him to always lay on the charm and romance. Sometimes, that's nice. Sometimes. But expecting him to be all roses and candles all the time is like expecting you to act like a pornstar all the time. If you're not willing to do that, don't expect him to switch for you.
7. Being selfish in bed. Regardless of the **** that Cosmo forces down our throats, sex is NOT just about us. Get over it.
8. Using random magazines as a sex bible. I dont know who comes up with half that ****, but I'm pretty sure they need counseling.
9. Whining when he pushes your head down on his cock instead of stroking your hair. Know why he's pushing, skippy? Because you aren't doing it right, and have apparently ignored the other clues he's given you. Pay attention to the signals that he's sending you.
10. Not moving at all. Missionary is not an excuse to do nothing.
11. Expecting him to undress himself with any amount of grace. He's about to get some pussy. Be glad he bothered to take his pants all the way off. If it concerns you so much, undress him yourself.
12. Not shaving your legs. Im pretty bad at this myself. But if you want your guy stubble free, you better get out the razor.
13. Allowing your crotch to resemble the amazon. Yes, waxing hurts. Yes, some people don't want to go bare. Thats fine. If you like bush, great. If you have sensitive skin and can't shave, I feel for you. But for the love of Christ, trim that **** if you want him to spend any time down there.
14. Assuming that sex means a relationship. The only relationship you have is that he has now stuck his hoo hoo dilly in your cha cha. That's as far as it goes unless otherwise noted.
15. Withholding oral sex just because you're ragging. He didn't do it. Unless you want him to withhold oral sex because he's hormonal, I suggest you get some kneepads.
16. Expecting him to figure out what you like by what noise you make. Use your words. Have you ever actually heard what you sound like while you're having sex? If you heard yourself on tape, and someone asked you to explain what was causing you to make that noise, 67% of women would respond with answers like "I stubbed my toe" "I ran up the steps" or "I was putting up drywall".
17. Leaving condoms up to him. If you're sexually active and insist that he uses a condom, I suggest buying a box and keeping it by your bed. Not all men keep them on them, and it's just as much your responsibility as it is his. If you think that makes you a slut, you shouldn't be having sex anyway. Go back to Jr High.
18. Getting your undies in a bunch when he talks dirty. A little fantasy can be fun. If he treats you with respect all the time, you shouldn't be offended when he calls you his dirty little slut. When he calls you a whore and tells you to come, its his way of showing that he cares if you get off. Stop being a sissy.
19. Refusing to be spontaneous. I know this is shocking, but sometimes sex OUTSIDE of the bedroom is fun.
20. Dissing quickies because it's not some slow sensual ordeal. Sex is a dynamic thing. Theres an awesome raw energy when you only have 20 minutes but having to have someone so bad that you do it half clothed against the wall. Readjust your thinking.
21. Being too much of a pussy to tell him what is or isn't acceptable before you start bumping uglies. Be honest. If he asks if he can poke you in the butt, and you giggle and say no like it's an invitation, don't look surprised when he "accidentally" sticks his cock in your butt.
22. Expecting him to undress you. I put a bra on almost every day. I know for a fact that getting them off isn't always easy. Help a brother out.
23. Undressing in the dark. If youre shy, dim the lights, but give the man something to see. No ripping off the clothes and diving under the covers, either.
24. Refusing to get on top. Theres no reason men should have to do all the work.
25. Getting that bored look on your face. Men are more visual than women. Give him something to look at. Get on top and arch your back a little bit. Move. Do something to indicate that you 1) are not dead and 2) didn't suffer a minor stroke rendering you unable to move.
26. Expecting him to do all the touching when you're riding him. It's your body, you're used to it. Play with your tits, rub your clit, do something to make his job easier.
27. Being too afraid to guide your partner's hand when hes touching you. Don't like the way he's doing it? Gently take his hand and show him how you like it.
28. Getting into bed, getting naked, fooling around and then deciding that you just want to cuddle, then getting offended when he doesn't. Its your choice to stop, but don't look all ****ing surprised when he's confused. You got him naked in your bed, what else did you think was going to happen?
29. Refusing to let him take control. So your a feminist. Big ****ing deal. Letting him call the shots doesn't make you any less of one.
30. Refusing to take control. Its ok to crawl across a bed to him on all fours, push him down and crawl on top. It's not his responsibility to start things all the time.
31. Forgetting that he has a body that likes to be touched, too. Men have things like backs and shoulders and stomachs and other parts that are fun to kiss and touch. You miss a lot of good places by concentrating solely on his penis.
32. Ignoring his balls. Seriously, they are there. Kiss them, lick them, suck on them, make a relationship with them, just don't ignore them.
33. Leaving him to his own devices. Nothing is worse than a girl who gets you most of the way off and then bolts because she doesn't want to deal with the mess.
34. Launching into some speech about not being an object for sex when he tries to titty **** you. Jesus Christ, just push them together and enjoy yourself. You get a great view.
35. Expecting him to handle you like a porcelain doll. I'd hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you're not going to break, sister. So doing it against the wall gives you a bruise on your shoulder. Look at it later and giggle at the memory.
36. Refusing to try things in the name of "making love". You're not making anything. You are naked. With another person. Making strange faces and weird noises. Stop romanticizing it.
37. Taking things way too seriously. Sex is funny. Actually it's hilarious. Somewhere along the line, someone is going to fall off of a bed, hit their head on a lighting fixture, accidentally kick a midget or trip over a goat. It's how you deal with it that really matters.
38. Throwing a bitch fit when he asks for a 3 some. Its the American dream. (I know my ex is reading this right now, so a quick interjection. One request for a 3 some is ok. Every 5 minutes, not so much. Know the difference).
39. Continuing a blow job knowing that you have god awful cotton mouth. Really. Grab a bottle of water.
40. Nails. Its one thing tracing them up and down your partners back. Its another when you snag the goods with a claw.
41. Bitching when you get jizz on you. You're having sex. That will happen. Thats the entire point of sex. Establish where he can and cant jizz and be done with it. Remember, it tightens the pores.
42. Not making any noises at all. Moan. Scream his name. Something so he knows he's the best you've had, even if he isn't.
43. Faking orgasms. Just. Don't. By faking (IF he believes you) he thinks he's doing everything right. And if he doesn't know its not working, he's not going to change it. Starting a vicious cycle of unfulfilling sex which will eventually be very damaging to his ego.
44. Not washing before sex. I know that sex is spontaneous, this is more of a general statement. If you haven't showered that day, and things smell a little...fishy...perhaps demanding oral sex is a little ridiculous of you.
45. Anything that involves inserting anything into his body that he has not specifically approved before hand. I don't care what Cosmo says, some things are simply not pleasant surprises.
46. Refusing to use oils/whipped cream/other messy but fun things because you have 541510630 count Egyptian cotton sheets that were made by hand by the only person alive capable of sewing that pattern. They'll wash.
47. Doing all of your before bed things before sex. Yes, sleeping with makeup on is bad. Now is not the time to remove it, you can do that later. And really ****ing you with your hair in a ratty scrunchie with acne cream on your nose is not all its cracked up to be.
48. Cleaning up after sex. Wiping the splooge off is one thing. But changing the sheets immediately so you can get the other ones in the washer and then sanitizing everything your naked body might have possibly passed by is not the way to do it.
49. Making a big deal out of it if he loses his hard on. This is not an interrogation, or 20 questions. It happens, he's probably mortified and you are NOT helping. Refrain from using phrases like "it happens to every guy". Just move to other activities until it gets hard again, and if it doesn't, get off another way with him. He's still capable of getting you off. Mumbling "Forget it" and rolling over are not ok.
50. Asking questions right afterwards. The woman equivalent of "was it good for you?". Now is not a good time to ask "What this means". Right now, it means he probably needs to take a drink, a leak and a nap, perhaps not in that order.
That is all.
Friday, July 6, 2007
In Memory of a great friend.
My old guild leader in World of Warcraft and my good friend Shandri passed away yesturday from cancer. I think some of you remember her from our alliance runs in MC as Elyza. Her last request was that no one mourn her death, but celebrate her life. She was a very loving and special person. Below is a poem she wanted everyone to have in memory of her.
Tiny Angel
I am a tiny angel
I'm smaller than your thumb
I live in people's pockets
That's were I have my fun
I don't suppose you've seen me
I'm too tiny to detect
Though I'm with you all the time
I doubt we've ever met
Before I was an angel
I was a fairy in a flower
God Himself, hand picked me
and gave me angel power
Now God has many angels
That he trains in Angel Pools
We become his eyes, his ears and hands
We become his special tools
And because God is so busy
with way too much to do
He said that my assignment
is too keep close watch on you
When he tucked me in your pocket
He blessed you with angel care
Then told me to never leave you
And I vowed always to be there
Tiny Angel
I am a tiny angel
I'm smaller than your thumb
I live in people's pockets
That's were I have my fun
I don't suppose you've seen me
I'm too tiny to detect
Though I'm with you all the time
I doubt we've ever met
Before I was an angel
I was a fairy in a flower
God Himself, hand picked me
and gave me angel power
Now God has many angels
That he trains in Angel Pools
We become his eyes, his ears and hands
We become his special tools
And because God is so busy
with way too much to do
He said that my assignment
is too keep close watch on you
When he tucked me in your pocket
He blessed you with angel care
Then told me to never leave you
And I vowed always to be there
Thursday, July 5, 2007
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
Monday, June 25, 2007
Friday, June 15, 2007
WTF???
Read for yourself... State and goverment funds (i.e. your tax dollars) going to good use!!
http://wbal.com/shows/douglas/story.asp?articleid=59312
http://wbal.com/shows/douglas/story.asp?articleid=59312
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Friday, May 25, 2007
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
Looking at one's self.
One of the hardest things I have done recently was to look at myself and try to figure out what I like and don't like about what I see in myself. I spent a good half a day sitting down and writing things out as they came to me. In the end I only had 3 things under the good column and 7 things under the bad column.
Being that I already know how much of a pessimist I can be this was not surprising to see. As I looked at my list I realized there has to be more good in me somewhere. I started to get frustrated that I couldn't think of anything more. So I decided to take a break and come back to it.
After a little while I started to talk to an old friend about how difficult it was to make this list. He offered to help me flush somethings out and I accepted. I told him all the good and bad points I had written down and he took a moment to think about it.
His intimidate response was that as usual, I was way to hard on myself. That wasn't new to me, but hearing it from him made it seem more real and so I decided to redo my list. As my friend spoke and told me what he saw as my good and points I wrote them down and took a moment to look at them. He was closer to the mark of what is good and bad in me that I could have gotten.
So here is the list that I know have, it's a lot better and well a great visual on what I know I need to work on to better myself.
The Bad:
Being that I already know how much of a pessimist I can be this was not surprising to see. As I looked at my list I realized there has to be more good in me somewhere. I started to get frustrated that I couldn't think of anything more. So I decided to take a break and come back to it.
After a little while I started to talk to an old friend about how difficult it was to make this list. He offered to help me flush somethings out and I accepted. I told him all the good and bad points I had written down and he took a moment to think about it.
His intimidate response was that as usual, I was way to hard on myself. That wasn't new to me, but hearing it from him made it seem more real and so I decided to redo my list. As my friend spoke and told me what he saw as my good and points I wrote them down and took a moment to look at them. He was closer to the mark of what is good and bad in me that I could have gotten.
So here is the list that I know have, it's a lot better and well a great visual on what I know I need to work on to better myself.
The Bad:
- To hard on myself
- Impatient especially in relationships
- Sensitive to the point of being detrimental in some cases
- I can be swayed either by my own thoughts or by others on things I should consider non-negotiable
- I can think strait in a crisis
- Sensitive to the point of others having trust in me and know that I tent not to abuse it.
- I am very understanding and a great friend that people never have to worry or wonder if I'm going to guard the back.
- I am loyal and have loyalty qualities others see easily
- Smart, friendly, and even funny at times and tend to make a good friend
- My sensitivity level and ability to look a little deeper into issues that others might stop at the surface. Both of these are a blessing and curse as I can at times get to involved and emotionally wrapped up in other people's issues when I should be more distant.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Salad Days by Minor Threat
Wishing for the days
When I first wore this suit
Baby has grown older,
It's no longer cute
Too many voices
They've made me mute
Baby has grown older,
It's no longer cute
But I stay on, I stay on
Where do I get off?
On to greener pastures
The core has gotten soft
Look at us today
We've gotten soft and fat
Waiting for the moment,
It's just not coming back
So serious
About the stuff we lack
Dwell upon our memories
But there are no facts
When I first wore this suit
Baby has grown older,
It's no longer cute
Too many voices
They've made me mute
Baby has grown older,
It's no longer cute
But I stay on, I stay on
Where do I get off?
On to greener pastures
The core has gotten soft
Look at us today
We've gotten soft and fat
Waiting for the moment,
It's just not coming back
So serious
About the stuff we lack
Dwell upon our memories
But there are no facts
Things A Naked Man Does Not Want To Hear
1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahh, it's cute.
3. Who circumcised you?
4. Why don't we just cuddle?
5. You know they have surgery to fix that.
6. It's more fun to look at.
7. Make it dance.
8. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.
9. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
10. It looks like a night crawler.
11. Wow, and your feet are so big.
12. My last boyfriend was 4'' bigger.
13. It's ok, we'll work around it.
14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
15. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh.
16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
17. Oh no, a flash headache.
18. (giggle and point)
19. Can I be honest with you?
20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
21. Let me go get my tweezers.
22. How sweet, you brought incense.
23. This explains your car.
24. You must be a growing boy.
25. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
27. Are you one of those pygmies?
28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
29. Every heard of clearasil?
30. All right, a treasure hunt!
31. I didn't know they came that small.
32. Why is God punishing you?
33. At least this won't take long.
34. I never saw one like that before.
35. What do you call this?
36. But it still works, right?
37. ####, I hate baby-sitting.
38. It looks so unused.
39. Do you take steroids?
40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.
41. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
42. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
43. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident.
44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
45. Aww, it's hiding.
46. Are you cold?
47. If you get me real drunk first.
48. Is that an optical illusion?
49. What is that?
50. I'll go get the ketchup for your french fry.
51. Were you neutered?
52. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
53. Does it come with an air pump?
54. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
55. Where are the puppet strings?
56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.
58. Never mind, why bother.
59. Is that a second belly button?
60. Where's the rest of it?
2. Ahh, it's cute.
3. Who circumcised you?
4. Why don't we just cuddle?
5. You know they have surgery to fix that.
6. It's more fun to look at.
7. Make it dance.
8. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.
9. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
10. It looks like a night crawler.
11. Wow, and your feet are so big.
12. My last boyfriend was 4'' bigger.
13. It's ok, we'll work around it.
14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
15. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh.
16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
17. Oh no, a flash headache.
18. (giggle and point)
19. Can I be honest with you?
20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
21. Let me go get my tweezers.
22. How sweet, you brought incense.
23. This explains your car.
24. You must be a growing boy.
25. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
27. Are you one of those pygmies?
28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
29. Every heard of clearasil?
30. All right, a treasure hunt!
31. I didn't know they came that small.
32. Why is God punishing you?
33. At least this won't take long.
34. I never saw one like that before.
35. What do you call this?
36. But it still works, right?
37. ####, I hate baby-sitting.
38. It looks so unused.
39. Do you take steroids?
40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.
41. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
42. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
43. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident.
44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
45. Aww, it's hiding.
46. Are you cold?
47. If you get me real drunk first.
48. Is that an optical illusion?
49. What is that?
50. I'll go get the ketchup for your french fry.
51. Were you neutered?
52. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
53. Does it come with an air pump?
54. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
55. Where are the puppet strings?
56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.
58. Never mind, why bother.
59. Is that a second belly button?
60. Where's the rest of it?
Natural Highs
1. Falling in love.
2. Laughing so hard your face hurts.
3. A hot shower.
4. No lines at the supermarket.
5. A special glance.
6. Getting mail.
7. Taking a drive on a pretty road.
8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio.
9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.
11. Chocolate milkshake (vanilla or strawberry ).
12. A bubble bath.
13. Giggling.
14. A good conversation.
15. The beach.
16. Finding a 20 dollar bill in your coat from last winter.
17. Laughing at yourself.
18. Looking into their eyes and knowing they Love you.
19. Midnight phone calls that last for hours.
20. Running through sprinklers.
21. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
22. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.
23. Laughing at an inside joke with FRIENDS
24. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.
25. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.
26. Your first kiss (the very first).
27. Making new friends or spending time with old ones.
28. Playing with a new puppy.
29. Having someone play with your hair.
30. Sweet dreams.
31. Hot chocolate.
32. Road trips with friends.
33. Swinging on swings.
34. Making eye contact with a cute stranger.
35. Making chocolate chip cookies.
36. Having your friends send you homemade cookies.
37. Holding hands with someone you care about.
38. Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change.
39. Watching the expression on someone's face as they open a much desired present from you.
40. Watching the sunrise.
41. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day.
42. Knowing that somebody misses you.
43. Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply.
44. Knowing you've done the right thing, no matter what other people think.
45. The smell of an approaching summer storm while sitting on your front porch.
2. Laughing so hard your face hurts.
3. A hot shower.
4. No lines at the supermarket.
5. A special glance.
6. Getting mail.
7. Taking a drive on a pretty road.
8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio.
9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.
11. Chocolate milkshake (vanilla or strawberry ).
12. A bubble bath.
13. Giggling.
14. A good conversation.
15. The beach.
16. Finding a 20 dollar bill in your coat from last winter.
17. Laughing at yourself.
18. Looking into their eyes and knowing they Love you.
19. Midnight phone calls that last for hours.
20. Running through sprinklers.
21. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
22. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.
23. Laughing at an inside joke with FRIENDS
24. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.
25. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.
26. Your first kiss (the very first).
27. Making new friends or spending time with old ones.
28. Playing with a new puppy.
29. Having someone play with your hair.
30. Sweet dreams.
31. Hot chocolate.
32. Road trips with friends.
33. Swinging on swings.
34. Making eye contact with a cute stranger.
35. Making chocolate chip cookies.
36. Having your friends send you homemade cookies.
37. Holding hands with someone you care about.
38. Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change.
39. Watching the expression on someone's face as they open a much desired present from you.
40. Watching the sunrise.
41. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day.
42. Knowing that somebody misses you.
43. Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply.
44. Knowing you've done the right thing, no matter what other people think.
45. The smell of an approaching summer storm while sitting on your front porch.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
The last time I tried to save a life.
It was a dark night in
The time was shortly after 11pm and I was out driving my unit commander around as we were heading over to one of the ammo points the ammo platoon had set up for training when a emergency call came over the radio say an accident had happen.
We rushed to the scene and we were the first to arrive, being that I was an EMT I left the commander to radio back to
His name was Sgt. Sanchez.
There were no medic and I started to work on him, I check for responsiveness, he was half coherent still, I examined his body, he was looking blood internally and his rib cage was crushed. I called for permission to start for an IV from the Unit PA (Physician’s Assistant). I tried talking to him some more when the Medics arrived. They panicked and froze up. They had never seen a real life trauma situation. I took charge and had them open up their medical packs and told them what I needed and what they could do and started to get others to check on his caught leg.
I stabilized his upper body the best I could but with the way he was hurt I only managed to get a neck brace on by the time the PA arrived. That was difficult to do as his jaw was severely fractured from hitting the back of the SPLL. We tried to start IVs on him and I was the only one that could get one going, but it was no use as I was on his most severe side and all I could get was blood back tracking into the IV line. The PA eventually was able to get on into his other arm. Just then he fully lost consciousness and began to have blood coming out of his mouth. The PA started to use the portable suction on him to keep his airway clear. We decided to try and tube him but there was too much blood and not enough light available to do it.
After that it was reported that the only way to free his leg was to disassemble the track of the SPLL. Everyone chipped in to do it as quickly as possible while the PA and I kept him stable. There was still no Medivac on scene yet. As they worked I looked at him and realized my hands were shaking badly. All I could think of was that I’ve never shaken this bad during a medical call and that I needed to get a grip and keep him alive. I still continued to monitor him. We were not keeping track of vitals as he was being moved around too much due to the work being done to free his leg. It was impossible because the way a SPLL track comes apart you have to watch the tension on it and it takes about 4 people to do it.
Once it was apart and we freed his leg I assessed the damage to it. Luckily the tibia was not fractured and only the calf muscle was damage. I cleaned and bandaged the wound quickly and splinted his leg so it would be stable for the Medivac. At this time the Medivac was here and the brought over a back board to put him on. He was rushed to the chopper and I ran back to my HMMV and race to the on post hospital with my unit commander. We got there only a few minutes after the Medivac and my commander went inside. I staid outside shaking and smoking what I think was a whole pack of cigs.
He did not survive. Sgt. Sanchez passed away at 1:30am. He did not survive the tip to the hospital.
That was not the worse of it though. The worse was when at the end of the funeral when the unit First Sergeant does roll call of the unit. When his name was called and there was no answer I just about lost it. It was the most difficult day to get through in my life because after that I met his wife. She was still pregnant and close to giving birth. I just felt horrible and guilty that I could not save him.
This is something I haven’t thought about in 7 years but as of late it’s something that I can’t stop thinking of. As a few of you know I have been diagnosed with PTSD and this is one of the symptoms, to relive flash backs over and over again.
The reason I’m sharing is that if I write or type things like this out it helps to clear it out of my mind for a while. Not many people know this side of me as it’s very personal but I just felt the need to open up a bit and share.
Monday, April 9, 2007
Explosm.net
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
(click the one below to see rest of it)
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Emo?
You're not the emo-est of quiz-takers, but you lean in an emo direction. You feel angry and passionate on a regular basis, but you also have an easygoing side that keeps you grounded. You're naturally introspective, but you're not compelled to analyze every detail of your life—sometimes you'd rather shrug your shoulders and get on with the day. You understand why your emo friends seem so sensitive, but you also get why that drives your non-emo friends crazy. You're the happy medium of emo-ness!
My Element
Your element is Earth. You have your feet on the ground and are in touch with reality. Some may say you need to lighten up, but you are just not that way. It's not that you don't enjoy having fun, you only find it in more calmer activities such as writing or reading a book. But before you have your fun you always make sure your work is done. You are considered the reliable one among your friends, you would never betray anyone just like and are not influenced on peer-pressure. Friends and family can always come to you for guidance because you are wise and smart. You know what is right and what is wrong and you study hard to become something big in the future. The bad side is that your friend/s feel ignored when you spend more time with books and papers rather with them. You are not such a people person and are sometimes a question-mark on how to behave around them at certain times. Luckily it always works out, somehow. Love is not really desired in your world right now, maybe in the future when you've got a work and so on under control. After all, you are a perfectionist.
Take this quiz!
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Do you use facebook?
I'm doing some research for a project I'm working on and I need everyone just to take 1 min *literally 1 min* to fill out a research survey I put together. It's only 9 questions.
I need to get around 3000 responses, so get everyone you know to fill it out!
Thanks so much for your help!
here is the address:
http://76.162.216.131/nabopoll/vote.php?surv=1
I need to get around 3000 responses, so get everyone you know to fill it out!
Thanks so much for your help!
here is the address:
http://76.162.216.131/nabopoll/vote.php?surv=1
Friday, March 23, 2007
Hey Mercedes - Unorchestraed Lyrics
The Song "Unorchestrated" By the band "Hey Mercedes" is one of my new all time favorites to listen to. Here are the lyrics:
6 AM and at it again
it's over
a lonely outside is rolling by
it's over
a car in the snow loses control
it's over
the head of the home is hurling the phone
it's over
bruise up blue
come right through
welcome to another end
we know that you know the finishing blow
it's over
a lineup of lights is firing the ike
it's over
the point in time when everything dies
it's over
nothing is wrong
we're getting along
it's over
so bruise up blue
come right through
welcome to another end
an open door
a note on the floor
it's over
the loneliest night is taking flight
it's over
waving in grief
watching it leave
it's over
up off the ground
the city is out
it's over
nothing is wrong
we're getting along
it's over
6 AM and at it again
it's over
a lonely outside is rolling by
it's over
a car in the snow loses control
it's over
the head of the home is hurling the phone
it's over
bruise up blue
come right through
welcome to another end
we know that you know the finishing blow
it's over
a lineup of lights is firing the ike
it's over
the point in time when everything dies
it's over
nothing is wrong
we're getting along
it's over
so bruise up blue
come right through
welcome to another end
an open door
a note on the floor
it's over
the loneliest night is taking flight
it's over
waving in grief
watching it leave
it's over
up off the ground
the city is out
it's over
nothing is wrong
we're getting along
it's over
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Monday, March 19, 2007
Laughter is contagious
You only need to watch this about 3/4 of the way through just to see how contagious laughter really is!
Monday, March 12, 2007
OMG an UPDATE!
I know it's been awhile, sorry about that busy busy busy! Ok... I"m not busy but not being lazy either just stuff going on to keep me from posting.
I saw this video and it cracked me up so I thought I would share.
How To Shower - Men & Women - Click here for more home videos
I saw this video and it cracked me up so I thought I would share.
How To Shower - Men & Women - Click here for more home videos
Monday, February 26, 2007
A girl I worked with died today...
Georgia Is in Gods'a Loving arms now. She passed away at 12:28 A.M this morning.
Please keep her family in your prayers.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Which Serenity Firefly Personality Are You?
Your results:
You are Kaylee Frye (Ship Mechanic)
You are good at fixing things.
You are usually cheerful.
You appreciate being treated with delicacy and specialness.
Click here to take the Serenity Firefly Personality Test
You are Kaylee Frye (Ship Mechanic)
You are good at fixing things.
You are usually cheerful.
You appreciate being treated with delicacy and specialness.
|
Click here to take the Serenity Firefly Personality Test
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Are You Prepared for Terroism?!
Check out http://www.safenow.org/ to make sure you are!
*Warning if you do not have a sense of humor please go outside and find one before clicking the link above*
*Warning if you do not have a sense of humor please go outside and find one before clicking the link above*
Monday, February 19, 2007
A new poem...
Crying Heart is the first poem I've written in a long time.
It is but a crack in the shell of that came over me and prevented me from writing for the last few years.
Thank you goes to the people that believed that I would write again. I'm not sure i will be as prolific, but this is definitely a start and sign of change.
It is but a crack in the shell of that came over me and prevented me from writing for the last few years.
Thank you goes to the people that believed that I would write again. I'm not sure i will be as prolific, but this is definitely a start and sign of change.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
26 things a perfect guy would do on Valentine's Day and why they are wrong...
1. Know how to make you smile when you are down!
When will women realize that they don't live on the set of a romantic comedy? Unless making you smile involves me playing video games while you cook me a steak, you're in for a disappointment. You don't think guys ever feel "down?" The door swings both ways, bitch.
2. Try to secretly smell your hair, but you always notice.
What? Why the hell would I want to smell a woman's hair? It smells bad enough with all the sprays and perfume they use. Enough with the conditioners, sprays, and cream already; that crap makes my eyes water. What the hell is conditioner anyway?
3. Stick up for you, but still respects your independence.
Translation: bail you out when you fail at life, but never bring it up during conversations.
4. Give you the remote control during the game.
This one is inherently stupid because it implies that all guys like to watch "the game." Since I'd rather be shot in the chest with projectile diarrhea than watch "the game," I'll assume the author meant something worthy of watching, such as Ren & Stimpy, in which case you need to put the bitch down if she touches your remote.
5. Come up behind you and put his arms around you.
Lame. Who has time for this? Sounds like something out of a herpes commercial where some lady is rock climbing or doing something else which symbolizes her independence, then out of nowhere she blurts out "I HAVE HERPES." The music gets all serious and you hear a voice over "...there is no cure," cue inspirational music "but treatment is available." Then it cuts to a shot of the bitch on a beach and a guy runs up behind her and puts his arms around her. Good job dumbass, you're dating a skank with herpes.
6. Play with your hair.
Again with the hair? Women never play with the hair on my back, why the double standard?
7. His hands always find yours.
This is one of those things women read and say "AWW HOW ROMANTIC." I have news for you: holding hands is stupid. Women don't know the first thing about being romantic. Only lesbians hold hands anyway; allow me to explain. The only time it's acceptable to hold hands with anyone is if you're at a peace vigil. Guys don't go to peace vigils, period. If you do, you have to surrender your balls and get a sex transplant because you're a bitch; in either case, you're a woman, and when two women hold hands it can only lead to one thing as far as I'm concerned.
8. Be cute when he really wants something.
Bullshoot. When I want something, I yell. If she can't hear me in the kitchen, sometimes I'll threaten beatings if I'm sober.
9. Offer you plenty of massages.
For your boobs maybe. I happen to have the uncanny ability to massage breasts. With my mouth.
10. Dance with you, even if he feels like a dork.
Let's face it: there are few things in this world more stupid than dancing. Except break dancing, which pirates and lumber jacks would agree is awesome. Other than that, dancing makes me envy cripples.
11. React so cutely when you hit him and it actually hurts.
See, this is what pisses me off about women: they expect special treatment at their discretion. They want equal rights, equal pay, and equal treatment for everything EXCEPT when it comes to crap like this, then they want you to "react cutely" instead of, say, putting them in a head lock and making them eat ants and/or spiders while you give them carpet burn. Why don't women react "cutely" when men hit them for a change? Oops, I forgot, that's domestic abuse.
12. Drive 5 hours just to see you for 1.
Any guy who would drive five hours just to see a chick for one is an asswipe. If every guy drove around for five hours just to spend one with their girlfriend, we'd fill up the air with so much pollution that we'd all choke on the exhaust, get cancer, and then bake under the sun while our lungs rupture and we slowly die from internal bleeding.
13. Stare at you.
You stupid attention seeking whore, just buy the bitch a mirror, because apparently she thinks that you don't have anything better to do than to sit around and stare at her. If women ran the world, we'd still be searching for the wheel.
14. Call for no reason.
Oops, this one belongs on the list of "Twenty-six things women do that piss men off because they need to fill their otherwise vapid lives with something to make them feel like they have a purpose for existing as they eventually realize that they're pissing their youth away on stupid bullshit like fashion trends."
I can't go on, I'm going to go do something less painful like stick my dick in the oven.
[[NOTE: THIS IS A JOKE!]]
When will women realize that they don't live on the set of a romantic comedy? Unless making you smile involves me playing video games while you cook me a steak, you're in for a disappointment. You don't think guys ever feel "down?" The door swings both ways, bitch.
2. Try to secretly smell your hair, but you always notice.
What? Why the hell would I want to smell a woman's hair? It smells bad enough with all the sprays and perfume they use. Enough with the conditioners, sprays, and cream already; that crap makes my eyes water. What the hell is conditioner anyway?
3. Stick up for you, but still respects your independence.
Translation: bail you out when you fail at life, but never bring it up during conversations.
4. Give you the remote control during the game.
This one is inherently stupid because it implies that all guys like to watch "the game." Since I'd rather be shot in the chest with projectile diarrhea than watch "the game," I'll assume the author meant something worthy of watching, such as Ren & Stimpy, in which case you need to put the bitch down if she touches your remote.
5. Come up behind you and put his arms around you.
Lame. Who has time for this? Sounds like something out of a herpes commercial where some lady is rock climbing or doing something else which symbolizes her independence, then out of nowhere she blurts out "I HAVE HERPES." The music gets all serious and you hear a voice over "...there is no cure," cue inspirational music "but treatment is available." Then it cuts to a shot of the bitch on a beach and a guy runs up behind her and puts his arms around her. Good job dumbass, you're dating a skank with herpes.
6. Play with your hair.
Again with the hair? Women never play with the hair on my back, why the double standard?
7. His hands always find yours.
This is one of those things women read and say "AWW HOW ROMANTIC." I have news for you: holding hands is stupid. Women don't know the first thing about being romantic. Only lesbians hold hands anyway; allow me to explain. The only time it's acceptable to hold hands with anyone is if you're at a peace vigil. Guys don't go to peace vigils, period. If you do, you have to surrender your balls and get a sex transplant because you're a bitch; in either case, you're a woman, and when two women hold hands it can only lead to one thing as far as I'm concerned.
8. Be cute when he really wants something.
Bullshoot. When I want something, I yell. If she can't hear me in the kitchen, sometimes I'll threaten beatings if I'm sober.
9. Offer you plenty of massages.
For your boobs maybe. I happen to have the uncanny ability to massage breasts. With my mouth.
10. Dance with you, even if he feels like a dork.
Let's face it: there are few things in this world more stupid than dancing. Except break dancing, which pirates and lumber jacks would agree is awesome. Other than that, dancing makes me envy cripples.
11. React so cutely when you hit him and it actually hurts.
See, this is what pisses me off about women: they expect special treatment at their discretion. They want equal rights, equal pay, and equal treatment for everything EXCEPT when it comes to crap like this, then they want you to "react cutely" instead of, say, putting them in a head lock and making them eat ants and/or spiders while you give them carpet burn. Why don't women react "cutely" when men hit them for a change? Oops, I forgot, that's domestic abuse.
12. Drive 5 hours just to see you for 1.
Any guy who would drive five hours just to see a chick for one is an asswipe. If every guy drove around for five hours just to spend one with their girlfriend, we'd fill up the air with so much pollution that we'd all choke on the exhaust, get cancer, and then bake under the sun while our lungs rupture and we slowly die from internal bleeding.
13. Stare at you.
You stupid attention seeking whore, just buy the bitch a mirror, because apparently she thinks that you don't have anything better to do than to sit around and stare at her. If women ran the world, we'd still be searching for the wheel.
14. Call for no reason.
Oops, this one belongs on the list of "Twenty-six things women do that piss men off because they need to fill their otherwise vapid lives with something to make them feel like they have a purpose for existing as they eventually realize that they're pissing their youth away on stupid bullshit like fashion trends."
I can't go on, I'm going to go do something less painful like stick my dick in the oven.
[[NOTE: THIS IS A JOKE!]]
Monday, February 12, 2007
Reflection
A friend once said when he looked inside me that it's like everything that I once was is locked away in a black box and shoved deep into a corner of my soul.
Honestly I don't think he was far off. I'm currently going through therapy to sort out a lot of things that I have issues with in life. One of the goals is to regain what I felt has been lost due to years of being depressed.
He also said that I need to find the right key to open it back up.
I'm still trying to figure out what this key is. I hope I can find it through my therapy.
Honestly, if I can open this "box" inside of me I know a lot of things will fall into place and I will finally be able to amend things and get on with my life.
Honestly I don't think he was far off. I'm currently going through therapy to sort out a lot of things that I have issues with in life. One of the goals is to regain what I felt has been lost due to years of being depressed.
He also said that I need to find the right key to open it back up.
I'm still trying to figure out what this key is. I hope I can find it through my therapy.
Honestly, if I can open this "box" inside of me I know a lot of things will fall into place and I will finally be able to amend things and get on with my life.
"Cinima Air" by The Gloria Record
city swallows trees
and i am responsible
'cause i am indifferent to these things
i got blood on my windshield
and what must be hundreds of movies in my head
'cause i like the glow of the screen
excuses not to speak and darkness surrounding me
and the way the sun feels
when you step out in it after the credits
and float back to your car on cinema air
and please tell the whole world i am here
here to be their hero
with a perfect body and straight teeth
and strings swelling every time i blink
with a perfect body and straight teeth
and strings swelling every time i blink
on the big screen with my big dreams
'cause you know i am the drama king
[This is an awesome song... i love it... a lot]
and i am responsible
'cause i am indifferent to these things
i got blood on my windshield
and what must be hundreds of movies in my head
'cause i like the glow of the screen
excuses not to speak and darkness surrounding me
and the way the sun feels
when you step out in it after the credits
and float back to your car on cinema air
and please tell the whole world i am here
here to be their hero
with a perfect body and straight teeth
and strings swelling every time i blink
with a perfect body and straight teeth
and strings swelling every time i blink
on the big screen with my big dreams
'cause you know i am the drama king
[This is an awesome song... i love it... a lot]
People are morons...
Ok so I live in the wonderful state do Wisconsin... no really it's not that bad of a state, if you like cows, cheese, beer, and sports... consequently... I only like 2 of those, cheese and beer... I think it's time to move. :p
Anyways here in my lovely state we do get snow, mine you not as much as say Canada or upstate NY (who got firkin 11 feet over this past weekend). Last night it snowed about 4 inches, now we haven't gotten a lot of snow this year so I will give some leniency because it’s like having the first snow fall of the year again.
However… what the hell is wrong with the people that think they can still drive 80mph down the highway? This is why I normally stay home and VPN into work. You would think that people would slow down a little while driving this morning… nope… notta…they just hauled ass right along… it was stupid.
On my drive into work I saw 4 cars in the ditch, 2 accidents and almost was in one myself thanks to asshole jumping lanes in heavy traffic and sliding all over the place because of how stupid he was for driving like that in slick conditions.
Ugh… I just hope that it will be a better drive home
Anyways here in my lovely state we do get snow, mine you not as much as say Canada or upstate NY (who got firkin 11 feet over this past weekend). Last night it snowed about 4 inches, now we haven't gotten a lot of snow this year so I will give some leniency because it’s like having the first snow fall of the year again.
However… what the hell is wrong with the people that think they can still drive 80mph down the highway? This is why I normally stay home and VPN into work. You would think that people would slow down a little while driving this morning… nope… notta…they just hauled ass right along… it was stupid.
On my drive into work I saw 4 cars in the ditch, 2 accidents and almost was in one myself thanks to asshole jumping lanes in heavy traffic and sliding all over the place because of how stupid he was for driving like that in slick conditions.
Ugh… I just hope that it will be a better drive home
Wednesday, February 7, 2007
Monday, February 5, 2007
Holy Crap...
Check out Washington Defense of Marriage Alliance website. What that state's legislators are trying to pass is just wrong in my opinion.
If this passes I wonder how many other states will follow suit and do the same.
I just don't have the words to describe my feelings on this other than it really makes me wonder what the hell is wrong with people that think of this kind of crap.
If this passes I wonder how many other states will follow suit and do the same.
I just don't have the words to describe my feelings on this other than it really makes me wonder what the hell is wrong with people that think of this kind of crap.
Thursday, February 1, 2007
The Awakening
My last of four Character Back stories are available to read on Blackout Writings.
With this is the end of my works to date. As I've said, I have not had much in the way of creativity over the last few years or drive to write anything new. I do know somewhere in my various stacks of notebooks and journals half used I have a few untitled pieces.
When I find them or when I write again I will post it.
With this is the end of my works to date. As I've said, I have not had much in the way of creativity over the last few years or drive to write anything new. I do know somewhere in my various stacks of notebooks and journals half used I have a few untitled pieces.
When I find them or when I write again I will post it.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Japanese can be cruel and funny.
If you ever find your self over on youtube you really need to look up Japanese Game Shows. Some of them are down right funny and weird!
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
The Lost Son
I have put up a second unfinished story over on my other blog. Feel free to go there and read it.
Monday, January 29, 2007
The Mask of Fate
This was the start of a back story for a character I use to play in a game called Asheron's Call. I never was able to finish it. However I hope you do enjoy what is written here and please let me know what you think.
You can read it here.
You can read it here.
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Writings From the Margin
It was during my first semester back at college after the Army. I found my self observing my fellow classmates and daydreaming about other things in my classes. I began to write little "notes" in the margins of my notebooks. This did not happen often, but here are the results of when it did happen.
There were only 4 pieces written during that time.
The can be found here.
There were only 4 pieces written during that time.
The can be found here.
Monday, January 22, 2007
Lungfish
One of my all time favorite bands that are still around... A few of their tracks popped up right in a row while my iTunes was running random selection.
Here is a description stolen from Wikipedia:
Lungfish (band)
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Jump to: navigation, search
Lungfish
Origin Baltimore, Maryland
Country United States
Years active 1988 – Present
Labels Dischord, Simple Machines
Members Daniel Higgs, Asa Osborne, Mitchell Feldstein, Sean Meadows
Now operating in its 17th year, Lungfish is a punk band based in Baltimore, Maryland. All of their music has been released by the Washington, D.C. punk label Dischord except for their first LP, Necklace of Heads which was released by Simple Machines (it was later added to the CD release of Talking Songs for Walking by Dischord). While seemingly mundane on the surface, Lungfish remains one of the most intense, strange, and dedicated bands in the music world, constantly repeating similar ideas over and over.
Their line-up as of 2005 consists of Daniel Higgs (vocals), Asa Osborne (guitar), Sean Meadows (bass), and Mitchell Feldstein (drums). Previous bass players are John Chriest and Nathan Bell.
Their albums feature compelling guitar-based repetitions with Daniel Higgs' prophetic and cryptic lyrics. Among their most prominent early works are the albums Talking Songs for Walking and Rainbows from Atoms, which feature the band's original bassist. More recent works include The Unanimous Hour, Love is Love and Feral Hymns.
Here is a description stolen from Wikipedia:
Lungfish (band)
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Jump to: navigation, search
Lungfish
Origin Baltimore, Maryland
Country United States
Years active 1988 – Present
Labels Dischord, Simple Machines
Members Daniel Higgs, Asa Osborne, Mitchell Feldstein, Sean Meadows
Now operating in its 17th year, Lungfish is a punk band based in Baltimore, Maryland. All of their music has been released by the Washington, D.C. punk label Dischord except for their first LP, Necklace of Heads which was released by Simple Machines (it was later added to the CD release of Talking Songs for Walking by Dischord). While seemingly mundane on the surface, Lungfish remains one of the most intense, strange, and dedicated bands in the music world, constantly repeating similar ideas over and over.
Their line-up as of 2005 consists of Daniel Higgs (vocals), Asa Osborne (guitar), Sean Meadows (bass), and Mitchell Feldstein (drums). Previous bass players are John Chriest and Nathan Bell.
Their albums feature compelling guitar-based repetitions with Daniel Higgs' prophetic and cryptic lyrics. Among their most prominent early works are the albums Talking Songs for Walking and Rainbows from Atoms, which feature the band's original bassist. More recent works include The Unanimous Hour, Love is Love and Feral Hymns.
Friday, January 19, 2007
Star Trek Motivational Posters
I jut ran across this site Star Trek Motivational Posters. It has some funny stuff on there, one of may favorites:
Ghost Writing
Now that i had some time I have added more to the Blackout Writings blog.
Originally this collection of works (under the label B.O.W.) were the only ones I had under the "Blackout Writing" title until I created the new blog.
These essentially were writings that I could never categorize in anyway. Friends have stated that these could be considered a form of "Ghost Writing" as the term goes. I would just put pen to paper and let the words flow out with out with out thought to whether they made sense or not. To me they are like external dreams.
Feel free to read and interpret them as you will.
Originally this collection of works (under the label B.O.W.) were the only ones I had under the "Blackout Writing" title until I created the new blog.
These essentially were writings that I could never categorize in anyway. Friends have stated that these could be considered a form of "Ghost Writing" as the term goes. I would just put pen to paper and let the words flow out with out with out thought to whether they made sense or not. To me they are like external dreams.
Feel free to read and interpret them as you will.
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Class Dismised!
Ok I'm done teaching but now I have a crap load of back logged work...
Cya in a month... just kidding!
Cya in a month... just kidding!
Monday, January 15, 2007
Class...
Periodically at work I teach a web design class tailored for customizing the web software that we create.
This week I am doing just that so there will a lack of updates for the time being on this blog and Blackout Writings.
This week I am doing just that so there will a lack of updates for the time being on this blog and Blackout Writings.
Friday, January 12, 2007
Thursday, January 11, 2007
So I took a little test...
In it there were a few ways I could of gone with a few questions... but from what i pick for answers this is what I got:
| Your Ideal Relationship is Friends Only |
 Honestly, you're not really ready for a relationship right now. And you prefer to keep things platonic, for now. That's not to say that one of your friends could be dating material. You're just taking a break for now. |
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Internet Law #2
Aranuir's 2nd Law of the Internet (known in some quarters as Rule #34) states specifically and unequivocally: There is porn of it, whatever IT is.
Think about it.... scary... isn't it.
Think about it.... scary... isn't it.
Monday, January 8, 2007
Ok this sucks
Especially since I missed the announcement last November...
One of my favorite bands has broken up. I know a lot of bands I listen too come and go often, but this was one of my favorites that I have met and got to know a little.
Goodbye Rainer Maria your music was just as awesome as you were as human beings.
One of my favorite bands has broken up. I know a lot of bands I listen too come and go often, but this was one of my favorites that I have met and got to know a little.
Goodbye Rainer Maria your music was just as awesome as you were as human beings.
More and more...
You know, I wonder if anyone beside a few people are reading these...
Well, 25 more poems are up at Blackout Writings from the year 1999.
For those that are reading them I hope you like what you see.
Well, 25 more poems are up at Blackout Writings from the year 1999.
For those that are reading them I hope you like what you see.
Friday, January 5, 2007
Thursday, January 4, 2007
Old but still awesome...
Check out the Drum Machine Flash Movie at Albino Blacksheep.
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/drum.php
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/drum.php
Seven from 1997
As I have done in the past few days. My Blackout Writings Blog has been up dated with another year's worth of poems.
Wednesday, January 3, 2007
1996 Poems are available.
I have added 20 more poems to the Blackout Writings Blog.
My goal is to do a year per day to get them all up then start placing up other writings as well.
My goal is to do a year per day to get them all up then start placing up other writings as well.
Tuesday, January 2, 2007
More to see at BoW Blog.
I have posted the fifteen poems I wrote in 1995 at the Blackout Writings Blog.
As always feel free to go over and read them at your pleasure!
As always feel free to go over and read them at your pleasure!
Monday, January 1, 2007
Continuing on my path...
I have posted the thirteen poems I wrote in 1994 at the Blackout Writings Blog.
As always feel free to go over and read them at your pleasure!
As always feel free to go over and read them at your pleasure!
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