Awake on Autopilot: April 2007

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Something to remeber if you ever need the police quickly!

Salad Days by Minor Threat

Wishing for the days
When I first wore this suit
Baby has grown older,
It's no longer cute
Too many voices
They've made me mute
Baby has grown older,
It's no longer cute

But I stay on, I stay on
Where do I get off?
On to greener pastures
The core has gotten soft

Look at us today
We've gotten soft and fat
Waiting for the moment,
It's just not coming back
So serious
About the stuff we lack
Dwell upon our memories
But there are no facts

Things A Naked Man Does Not Want To Hear

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahh, it's cute.
3. Who circumcised you?
4. Why don't we just cuddle?
5. You know they have surgery to fix that.
6. It's more fun to look at.
7. Make it dance.
8. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.
9. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
10. It looks like a night crawler.
11. Wow, and your feet are so big.
12. My last boyfriend was 4'' bigger.
13. It's ok, we'll work around it.
14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
15. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh.
16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
17. Oh no, a flash headache.
18. (giggle and point)
19. Can I be honest with you?
20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
21. Let me go get my tweezers.
22. How sweet, you brought incense.
23. This explains your car.
24. You must be a growing boy.
25. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
27. Are you one of those pygmies?
28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
29. Every heard of clearasil?
30. All right, a treasure hunt!
31. I didn't know they came that small.
32. Why is God punishing you?
33. At least this won't take long.
34. I never saw one like that before.
35. What do you call this?
36. But it still works, right?
37. ####, I hate baby-sitting.
38. It looks so unused.
39. Do you take steroids?
40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.
41. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
42. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
43. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident.
44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
45. Aww, it's hiding.
46. Are you cold?
47. If you get me real drunk first.
48. Is that an optical illusion?
49. What is that?
50. I'll go get the ketchup for your french fry.
51. Were you neutered?
52. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
53. Does it come with an air pump?
54. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
55. Where are the puppet strings?
56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.
58. Never mind, why bother.
59. Is that a second belly button?
60. Where's the rest of it?

Natural Highs

1. Falling in love.
2. Laughing so hard your face hurts.
3. A hot shower.
4. No lines at the supermarket.
5. A special glance.
6. Getting mail.
7. Taking a drive on a pretty road.
8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio.
9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.
11. Chocolate milkshake (vanilla or strawberry ).
12. A bubble bath.
13. Giggling.
14. A good conversation.
15. The beach.
16. Finding a 20 dollar bill in your coat from last winter.
17. Laughing at yourself.
18. Looking into their eyes and knowing they Love you.
19. Midnight phone calls that last for hours.
20. Running through sprinklers.
21. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
22. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.
23. Laughing at an inside joke with FRIENDS
24. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.
25. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.
26. Your first kiss (the very first).
27. Making new friends or spending time with old ones.
28. Playing with a new puppy.
29. Having someone play with your hair.
30. Sweet dreams.
31. Hot chocolate.
32. Road trips with friends.
33. Swinging on swings.
34. Making eye contact with a cute stranger.
35. Making chocolate chip cookies.
36. Having your friends send you homemade cookies.
37. Holding hands with someone you care about.
38. Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change.
39. Watching the expression on someone's face as they open a much desired present from you.
40. Watching the sunrise.
41. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day.
42. Knowing that somebody misses you.
43. Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply.
44. Knowing you've done the right thing, no matter what other people think.
45. The smell of an approaching summer storm while sitting on your front porch.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

The last time I tried to save a life.

It was a dark night in Texas, I can’t remember what day it was but I do remember it well.

The time was shortly after 11pm and I was out driving my unit commander around as we were heading over to one of the ammo points the ammo platoon had set up for training when a emergency call came over the radio say an accident had happen.

We rushed to the scene and we were the first to arrive, being that I was an EMT I left the commander to radio back to Fort Hood to get a Medivac out to the scene. There I saw a mentor, friend, and brand new father laying behind the SPLL half under it. His leg tied up in the track and mark up his chest where the 26 ton vehicle ran up onto his body.

His name was Sgt. Sanchez.

There were no medic and I started to work on him, I check for responsiveness, he was half coherent still, I examined his body, he was looking blood internally and his rib cage was crushed. I called for permission to start for an IV from the Unit PA (Physician’s Assistant). I tried talking to him some more when the Medics arrived. They panicked and froze up. They had never seen a real life trauma situation. I took charge and had them open up their medical packs and told them what I needed and what they could do and started to get others to check on his caught leg.

I stabilized his upper body the best I could but with the way he was hurt I only managed to get a neck brace on by the time the PA arrived. That was difficult to do as his jaw was severely fractured from hitting the back of the SPLL. We tried to start IVs on him and I was the only one that could get one going, but it was no use as I was on his most severe side and all I could get was blood back tracking into the IV line. The PA eventually was able to get on into his other arm. Just then he fully lost consciousness and began to have blood coming out of his mouth. The PA started to use the portable suction on him to keep his airway clear. We decided to try and tube him but there was too much blood and not enough light available to do it.

After that it was reported that the only way to free his leg was to disassemble the track of the SPLL. Everyone chipped in to do it as quickly as possible while the PA and I kept him stable. There was still no Medivac on scene yet. As they worked I looked at him and realized my hands were shaking badly. All I could think of was that I’ve never shaken this bad during a medical call and that I needed to get a grip and keep him alive. I still continued to monitor him. We were not keeping track of vitals as he was being moved around too much due to the work being done to free his leg. It was impossible because the way a SPLL track comes apart you have to watch the tension on it and it takes about 4 people to do it.

Once it was apart and we freed his leg I assessed the damage to it. Luckily the tibia was not fractured and only the calf muscle was damage. I cleaned and bandaged the wound quickly and splinted his leg so it would be stable for the Medivac. At this time the Medivac was here and the brought over a back board to put him on. He was rushed to the chopper and I ran back to my HMMV and race to the on post hospital with my unit commander. We got there only a few minutes after the Medivac and my commander went inside. I staid outside shaking and smoking what I think was a whole pack of cigs.

He did not survive. Sgt. Sanchez passed away at 1:30am. He did not survive the tip to the hospital.

That was not the worse of it though. The worse was when at the end of the funeral when the unit First Sergeant does roll call of the unit. When his name was called and there was no answer I just about lost it. It was the most difficult day to get through in my life because after that I met his wife. She was still pregnant and close to giving birth. I just felt horrible and guilty that I could not save him.

This is something I haven’t thought about in 7 years but as of late it’s something that I can’t stop thinking of. As a few of you know I have been diagnosed with PTSD and this is one of the symptoms, to relive flash backs over and over again.

The reason I’m sharing is that if I write or type things like this out it helps to clear it out of my mind for a while. Not many people know this side of me as it’s very personal but I just felt the need to open up a bit and share.